Discipline
The Carer and the Self
The person doing the work of a death is often running on nothing, and their own needs go last. This discipline is for them: the caregiver, the executor, the one who holds everyone else. It treats rest, limits, and asking for help as part of the work, not a reward for finishing it.
You will be able to name the load you are carrying, set limits without guilt, and ask for help as part of the work rather than a reward for finishing it.
The topics
Instruments
Objects you carry to a bank, a court, or a phone call.
Primary sources
Every statute, form, and agency cited here. When in doubt, trust these over anyone, including us.
Government
- 988 Suicide and Crisis LifelineFree, confidential support by call or text to 988, at any hour, for anyone in emotional distress, including carers.opens in a new tab
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Changes in health indicators among caregivers, United States, 2015 to 2016 and 2021 to 2022The dated federal analysis published in the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report on August 29, 2024, comparing carers with non-carers across nineteen health indicators.opens in a new tab
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Caregiving for family and friends, a public health issueThe brief containing the prevalence, hours, sleep, chronic disease and self neglect figures cited in this module.opens in a new tab
- Eldercare Locator, Administration for Community LivingThe federal route to local services for carers as well as for the people they care for, by search or on 1-800-677-1116.opens in a new tab
- National Institute on Aging: Taking care of yourself, tips for caregiversThe source of the six item checklist and of the warning signs listed in this module.opens in a new tab
- National Institute on Aging: Caregiving toolkitThe institute's collected resources for carers, including practical guides on daily care and on managing the household.opens in a new tab
- Medicare: Hospice care coverageConfirms that inpatient respite care is covered under the hospice benefit, with coinsurance of up to 5 percent.opens in a new tab
- National Institute on Aging: Coping with grief and lossWhat grief does physically and emotionally, which is the layer sitting on top of the role loss described here.opens in a new tab
- National Cancer Institute: Grief, bereavement, and coping with loss, PDQ health professional versionThe evidence on risk factors and on what support helps, useful for judging whether to seek formal help now.opens in a new tab
- Administration for Community Living: National Strategy to Support Family CaregiversThe 2022 strategy setting out nearly 350 federal actions and more than 150 state and community actions, which is the map of what is supposed to exist.opens in a new tab
- Administration for Community Living: Finding help for yourself or a loved oneThe federal index of programs, including the routes to state agencies that administer carer support locally.opens in a new tab
Nonprofit
- Family Caregiver Alliance: Caregiver healthA summary of the wider research literature on the physical and mental health effects of caregiving, with the studies it draws on.opens in a new tab
- ARCH National Respite Network: Find a respite providerA searchable national directory of respite services, which is the practical route to the rest you are entitled to.opens in a new tab
Guides on this shelf
Sleep and the body 101
This guide is being written with care.
Eating when you cannot 101
This guide is being written with care.
Asking for help 101
This guide is being written with care.