Discipline
Communication and the Family
Death does not arrive to one person; it arrives to a family, with all its history. This discipline teaches the human work: telling people, holding a family through decisions, and speaking to institutions on behalf of someone who can no longer speak for themselves.
You will be able to tell people with words that hold, guide a family through decisions without losing the estate to conflict, and speak to institutions for someone who no longer can.
The topics
Primary sources
Every statute, form, and agency cited here. When in doubt, trust these over anyone, including us.
Government
- National Institute on Aging: What to do after someone diesWhere notification sits among the other tasks of the first days, which helps in deciding what can wait.opens in a new tab
- Michigan Department of Attorney General: Identity theft, deceased victimsWhy an obituary should omit the date of birth, place of birth and address, from a state consumer protection office.opens in a new tab
- National Institute on Aging: Coping with grief and lossWhat the people you are telling are likely to be experiencing, which shapes what they can absorb in a first conversation.opens in a new tab
- 988 Suicide and Crisis LifelineFree, confidential support by call or text to 988, at any hour, including for concerns about a child or adolescent.opens in a new tab
- Eldercare Locator, Administration for Community LivingThe federal service connecting families to local services for older adults, by search or by telephone on 1-800-677-1116.opens in a new tab
- National Institute on Aging: Taking care of yourself, tips for caregiversPractical guidance on accepting help and on the warning signs of running past your own limits.opens in a new tab
- Administration for Community Living: Finding help for yourself or a loved oneThe federal index of programs and services, including state and local routes that are frequently unknown to families.opens in a new tab
Court
- California Courts Self-Help Guide: Resolve your dispute out of courtA state court system's own public explanation of mediation and alternative dispute resolution. Use it as a model for finding your own state's equivalent.opens in a new tab
- California Courts Self-Help Guide: Guide to property after someone diesAn example of the self-help material a state court publishes for people acting without a lawyer, including how to raise an issue with the court.opens in a new tab
Nonprofit
- American Academy of Pediatrics: How children understand death, what to say when a loved one diesThe clearest published list of phrases that fail a grieving person and what to say instead. Written for children, and useful for adults.opens in a new tab
- CaringInfo, a program of the National Alliance for Care at HomeFamily facing guidance on communication around serious illness and after a death.opens in a new tab
- Palliative Care Network of Wisconsin: Grief in children and developmental concepts of deathThe clinical age by age account of what children understand, and the finding that one significant adult and a safe environment matter most.opens in a new tab
- National Child Traumatic Stress Network: Childhood traumatic grief, information for parents and caregiversHow to tell ordinary grief from traumatic grief in a child, and what help exists when trauma symptoms are interfering.opens in a new tab
- National Child Traumatic Stress Network: Traumatic grief resourcesThe full set of materials for parents, schools and clinicians, including sheets written for young people themselves.opens in a new tab
- American Bar Association: Guidelines for individual executors and trusteesWhat a personal representative owes beneficiaries, including the duty to communicate and to account, which is where most disputes actually start.opens in a new tab
- American Bar Association: The probate processA short overview of how estates are administered, useful as shared background when a family is arguing from different assumptions.opens in a new tab
Guides on this shelf
How to Support a Griever 101
You cannot fix it, and you are not supposed to.
What to say 101
This guide is being written with care.
What to do 101
This guide is being written with care.
What not to say 101
This guide is being written with care.
Guides on this subject
What to say, and not say, to someone who is grieving
When someone you care about is grieving, finding the right words feels impossible. That is because it is. No words can fix this, but the right ones can make someone feel less alone.
Helping children make sense of a loss, at every age
Children grieve differently at every developmental stage. This guide covers what children understand at each age, the language to use, the signs to watch for, and how to offer lasting support.
When grief divides a family, conflict over estates, roles, and unequal mourning
Loss can bring families together, or pull them apart. Estate disputes, different grieving styles, and old dynamics often surface at the worst possible time. This is how to move through the conflict.
The language of grief, the words that help, the words that harm, and why it matters
The words we choose when someone is grieving are not simply social niceties. They shape how supported a person feels. Research shows language can ease the weight of grief, or add to it. This is what the evidence says about getting it right.